insomniac [ 12:37 PM ]

Since i cant sleep, i might as well pen my thoughts here.

Cos if i do sleep, its only for 1 1/2 hr.

"when theres lost and sense of remorse.Especially if one blames themselves,depression is bound to happen."

Its a vicious spiral.The moment you manage to pick yourself up, you'd think "hey this is not happening, im just cheating myself,why am i faking it." Its never easy.A cripple is bound to stumble.

Especially when the one who left was the one who has been there.Its like leaning on a wall and suddenly the wall disappears.You start blaming yourself for leaning to hard, too long.You start blaming yourself for trusting that wall.

that rarely happens,a wall rarely disappears but that doesnt mean you can take it for granted.

Lets face it.People are not like walls.They will never always be there.When they do disappear, often comes without warning nor at the right time.(take it as you leaning on the wall while youre yawning.At the least expected moment the wall disappears) then you blame yourself for cutting yourself some slack by yawning."i should have stayed awake and be precautious"

Point is, you cant help but yawn and trust.

ok now, why am i comparing people to walls?

Lesson of the story is, never ever trust things or people to always be there.be it friends or family or even walls.Once they leave and you fall,you find yourself having to first pick yourself up clean up the wound and stand on your own.Its never as easy.

To stand alone.To know that your trust have been betrayed.To heal on your own.

then you'd wish the fall , gave you amnesia.

-rossa

True love is never true until you see their true colours.

One day, someone will love me for who i am

someone will accept me with open arms.

If i find tt someone,

i would say" hey, thank you for letting me lean on you.But dont just stand there and let my weight push you away.Come,put your arms arnd my shoulder and i ll put mine around yours.

That way, you wont fall dear,i wont either.we will always have each other's shoulder.Look it doubles up as a hug too."

If i do get another chance at love again.Im gonna make sure that im in it not cos i need and can't leave without her.But cos i chose not to.Choose to have her,choose to love her, choose to depend on her and let her depend on me.It ll be a choice out of mutual respect and not cos of who gets the upper hand.Cos when you have your arms round each other, theres no such thing as an upper arm(or hand).Mutual choice and not by force or obligation.Motivate me to be a better person and strive to minimise my bad habits.vice versa.

Mutual:
1.Having the same relationship each to the other: mutual lovers

2.Directed and received by each toward the other; reciprocal: mutual respect.
3.Possessed in common: mutual interests.
4.Of, relating to, or in the form of mutual insurance.

I ve been trying too hard to achieve mutuality that i forgot that it should come naturally.

That day may or might not come.

But in the name of love, i will believe.

Farah
Fadila
Yati
Aylana
Kiara